Things have been a little bumpy of late. CRPS flares when it gets grumpy. The tremors and muscle twitches, pain along my spine and in my joints, and the fatigue are rearing their heads. The treatments I had this fall worked beautifully, creating miracles along the way. But there are detours on this journey, and I have taken one.

I have been confined once again to the sofa 80% of each day. Any attempt to venture out results in blinding spinal pain and a collapse into surrender.

To quell the simmering beast, I will begin ketamine boosters today. A short series of 2-3 infusions. I will be sedated with four hour blocks of ketamine, when my brain will be disconnected from my body, to give my central nervous system a break. It will allow my nervous system the opportunity to "reboot".

Much of this process is about acceptance when things don't go as planned. So I have also learned not to plan. I take each day, hour by hour. My friends have learned to have patience with my absence and graciously come to my home for visits. I read as much as I can and watch films I didn't appreciate years before, when cell phones didn't exist. I watch characters read maps and dial phones that are stuck to the wall and I remember a simpler time.

This too shall pass. It always morphs into something new. After infusions, I will be preparing for another surgery to replace my spinal cord stimulator as the leads have slipped, and they will be placing additional leads that run up into my neck.

It is 4am. Into the shower I go and off to the races. One I will win ever so slowly, placing one hope gently in front of the other.