How I Got Here - My Journey To Disability

Today someone asked me what the heck started all of this!? This is my answer to her, and thought it might help clear it up for others as well :0)

I suffered a concussion in fall of 2011 when the corner of the electric tailgate hatch on my car came down into my skull as I stood up. The curvature in my cervical spine inverted.

It has been over two years of surgeries, testing, MRI's, CT Scans, X-Rays, surgeries, procedures and blinding pain. Along with the mechanical injuries to my spine, after about a year symptoms began to develop that leaned toward a Motor Neuron Disease such as ALS or MS but with unrelenting pain unlike anything I had ever experienced in my life. After extensive neurological testing, and a multitude of doctors, I was diagnosed with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome in my spine after one of my procedures. CRPS is a disease of the central nervous system. Although it is considered incurable, it can go into remission. My case is extremely rare and has 'presented' in a way only noted a handful of times by CRPS experts throughout the world. It resulted in a ten month paralysis of my legs and 70% right arm. Pain levels of CRPS are clinically greater than childbirth or phantom limb. A year ago I did not think I could live much longer.

I am now at the verge of what we feel may be my last surgery. I am 80% wheelchair bound but am SO incredibly blessed with the most supportive husband, four children, and loving parents and brother and friends who saved my life through fundraising efforts that allowed us to cover the costs of a six week specialized CRPS program at UCLA.

In regard to surgeries, I have so far had a fusion of C5-6, an artificial disc replacement (ADR) of C 4-5, laminotomies L4-5, bone spur removal (domino effect of head trauma to lower lumbar), microdiscectomy L4-5 then finally an ADR of that level. Last summer they implanted a spinal cord stimulator in my lumbar spine.

In between have been numerous nerve blocks, epidurals, rhizotomies, etc.

What saved my life (literally) was a six week program at UCLA that combined ketamine infusions and a Multi-disciplinary approach to treatment of CRPS under the care of Dr. Joshua Prager.

My final surgery is a rather large one with a revision of my lumbar spinal cord stimulator as the leads have slipped. They will replace the lumbar leads with new paddle leads which will be secured by drilling them into the bone (fun!;) they will then add two more longer leads that will run up into my cervical spine and secure as well via laminotomies.

So there you go! Sorry for such a long answer, I don't know how to make it shorter loll

I don't know what the future holds in regard to regaining more mobility. Much damage has been done. Walking for longer than 3-5 minutes results in complete debilitation. We hope that once I heal from this next surgery I can continue physical therapy. However, I can proudly say that I have, through the support of loved ones and my doctors, developed a quality of life I thought impossible.

Bottom line is, I'm always good for a chat on how wonderful life can be once you learn to accept a new-normal as a gift to be opened instead of a sentence to be served. 💝

CBS segment on my CRPS condition and treatment with Dr. Prager. http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/video?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=9805202

Hummingbird Facts

As most of you may know, our children have adopted a hummingbird nest. You may the first video in a series here: http://vimeo.com/85173126

Frequently Asked Questions About Hummingbirds

Q: When is hummingbird season?
A: This depends on where you are located. In North America, hummingbirds can start to arrive starting as early as February and end as late as October. In the southern portions of the United States, Mexico, Central America, and South America, hummingbirds live all year long. The best way to find out what your hummingbird season is, start writing down the first and last times you see a hummingbird every year in a journal. You will be able to see a pattern after a couple of years. (See also the Migration section of this website.)

Q: Where do hummingbirds go in the winter?
A: Hummingbirds that migrate will go anywhere from the southern United States to Mexico, Panama, and the Yucatan Peninsula for the winter.

Q: Where do hummingbirds live?
A: Hummingbirds live in the Americas as far north as Alaska and as far south as Chile.

Q: How fast do hummingbird's wings beat per second?
A: Hummingbird's wings can beat at about 70 times per second in normal fight and about 200 times per second during a high speed dive.

Q: How fast does a hummingbird fly?
A: A hummingbird flies at an average speed of 25-30 miles per hour and can do a fast dive at up to 60 miles per hour.

Q: Do cheetahs run faster than hummingbirds fly?
A: Yes. A cheetah will run at about 70 miles per hour and a hummingbird flies at about 25-30 miles per hour. However, you could probably consider a hummingbird to be the cheetah in the bird kingdom.

Q: Do hummingbirds damage flowers?
A: No. Flowers love hummingbirds. Flowers need hummingbirds to help with pollination. Plants will position their flowers outward so the hummingbirds can easily reach them.

Q: Do hummingbirds reuse their nest?
A: Hummingbirds can reuse their nest if the nest survives the winter months. Do not try to save a nest for a hummingbird since illegal in the United States and many other countries.

Q: How much nectar does a hummingbird consume in a day?
A: A hummingbird can consume anywhere between half (1/2) to eight (8) times their body weight in one day.

Q: Do hummingbirds eat termites?
A: Not really. Termites have a tough exoskeleton that hummingbirds don't like to have to deal with unless they have to. Hummingbirds prefer softer insects. (See the Bugs section of this website.)

Q: What is a hummingbird's lifecycle?
A: A hummingbird is born from an egg that is the size of a very small pea. They will spend about three weeks in the nest. (See also the Baby section of this website.) When they are old enough, they will fly away and not return to the nest. If they can survive the first year of life, they will live for approximately 5 years.

Q: What do hummingbirds eat?
A: Hummingbirds drink nectar from hummingbird feeders and flowers. They eat small soft insects and bugs.

Q: When do hummingbirds nest?
A: In North America, hummingbirds will nest in the spring and early summer. In South and Central America, hummingbird will nest in both the summer and the winter (North American time). (See the Baby section of this website.)

Q: I found a banded hummingbird, what should I do?
A: f you recover a banded Hummingbird, please report the band number to the Bird Banding Lab at

1-800-327-BAND.
Q: When should I take down my hummingbird feeders so that the hummingbirds can migrate?
A: There is nothing that will stop a hummingbird from migrating. Keep the feeders up until you have not seen any for 2 full weeks. This will help straggling hummingbirds in their long journey. If at all possible, keep one feeder up all year long providing the temperatures do not drop below freezing at night. Frozen nectar can damage the hummingbird feeder.

Q: How often should I change the nectar?
A: The nectar should be changed every three days or more often as needed depending on your environment and weather.

Q: Why do hummingbird appear sometimes and not others?
A: There are many reasons why hummingbirds do things and go places, and unfortunately they don't always tell us why. It could be anything from area construction disturbing their peace to the neighbor on the next block over becoming the latest hangout. Just keep the feeder out and enjoy them while you can.

Q: How do I get rid of bees and ants at my feeder?

A: There are many suggestions and it's mostly trial and error on which one will work for you. Check out the Uninvited Guests section of the website and see what would work for your particular situation

These facts are from www.WorldOfHummingbirds.com

"There is nothing right or wrong which belief plus burning desire cannot make real."
-Napoleon Hill

My Music

Many don't know, but I have written songs since I was fifteen. It was my escape from reality. This mini-album holds seven songs about life's challenges and joys. A country-folk sound, I have been told my voice is a cross between Stevie Nicks and Joni Mitchel. To that I say thank you! With medical bills and surgeries I am turning to my musical roots to raise funds for my treatments.
The CD of seven songs "Micaela - Life 101" is available for direct purchase on eBay (my latest obsession).
Song downloads including The Hero are at www.cdbaby.com/artist/micaelabensko
(Proceeds from The Hero will go to Rebuilding America's Warriors.)

My Hair - From Long To Short

My hair. It's a moan every woman who has exhaled throughout her life. Rarely do you hear a woman expound upon the exquisiteness of her own locks.

My hair has teased me my entire life with its fine tattles of do. Others found it thick and envied its mass while those who knew me would rue it too. My hair lobbied a lounge of a thousand fine strands; when they gathered it was wrangling gnats. Fly-always taunted my lips, getting stuck in their gloss at the slightest passing of the wind.

My days of shooting weddings grew longer with every annoying piece of hair that launched into my eyes or across my lens. I tied it back into a strangled tail, but the wisps still proved too wild. So I slicked them back with spray. Still to no avail - they arched in a limping el across my face. So I pinned them down. Like a school girl going to gymnastics. The pins were the first thing real men saw. So I tried gel. Super Gel. Hair Cement. Surfer's Glue. The more I pasted the harder I looked. The lines of time upon my forehead read like War and Peace. Bangs. I needed bangs. To hide the lines and hardened face.

Bangs are the bane of a girls' existence. We are prodded into chopping them by false advertisements of celebrities on red carpets with a team of architects who work into the night to create their masterpiece of men. Bangs. They should be shot. They torture women and make us wonder why we are so weak that we cannot control the frailest of things. The hours spent attempting to master this quarrel leaves us exhausted and in a cap.

It was then that I cut my hair off into a cut so short a pixie would find it long. It was as close to a Brittany Spears meltdown as possible without the celebrity, baseball bat or news. Because I was calm when it transposed. I was so calm you could hear the stillness of my heart. Because I was done. I was done fighting the battle of the hair. I was done with hands tied by locks without a key. I cut it off.

I was alone that day on my way to a shoot at the beach with time to kill. Visions of whipping strands danced in my head - of hair getting caught in my lips on the sand. I was heading down San Vicente and saw my old salon coming up. Deja Vu - no, not déjà vu as in I thought I had been there before. The name of the salon was Déjà Vu. I actually had been there before. So I pulled over and stopped. Without a second thought I entered the salon and their opening was mine.

Nothing delights a European stylist more than when a woman asks for him to take it off. It reminds him of home. Of women with pixie cuts and long lean bodies who allow their beauty to shine from within. Or so I found out. The salon began to buzz with my bravery. "She is cutting it off!" As though I had commenced the bravest battle of my life. When, to me, it was the most natural thing to do, because I was done.

I was done being a slave to my hair every moment of my life. Not because of how it looked. I had lost that war long ago. It was about how it had prevented me from living my life. I found myself jealous of men and their ease throughout the day. From waking to sleep the very last thought for most was their hair. In boardrooms, the gym, the beach or the street, jogging and sweating or black tie or briefs - their hair was an afterthought of gods.

All of my life I felt that in order to be a goddess I had to have long flowing locks. But after a lifetime of roiling ringlets around my fingers for the perfect coil, I could roil the coil no more.

The assistant draped the black cape around my chest and buttoned it close to my neck. An offer of coffee or tea I normally refused was accepted with resignation that this was indeed a special day.

I did not look up. It didn't take long for my life to change.

Then he asked me if I would like to see the back.

He spun me around and placed a mirror in my hand. I raised it to reflect the image on the looking glass behind my chair. And for the first time in my life I saw the elegant nape of my neck. The one my husband had placed in his hand the night we said I do.

I accepted its grace as it ran from my shoulder to my ear. The skin untouched by light at a hairline I had never met.

The shape of my head was revealed. A thought rarely seized unless reviewing brochures on cancer at my annual review. When I wondered how I would look if I were bald. Or had very short hair. I used to think women recovering from chemotherapy were the most beautiful in the world. There is something about the shaving of hair to its shortest point, or the re-growth of hair at the verge of a life, that reminds me of how fragile and beautiful life can be - if we just don't worry about the little things. Like hair.

I removed the cape and stood to a thousand remnants of who I used to be. Women awed at my bravery and the shedding of a skin. One said I looked French. I felt different. I felt new. But most of all, in the birth of ecstatic glee, I had never felt more like me.

It has been years now since I cut it off and I have not once looked back. Except after a cut when I am spun around and see my self in the looking glass.

What To Do When Your Child Wants To Act

Santa Clarita News

BY: MICAELA BENSKO

Our family is in the entertainment industry and it is a large part of our life. My husband's credits include Co-Producer of Big Love, Production Supervisor on Nashville, Newsroom, and endless others. When our oldest daughter decided she wanted to be an actor, it caused me to reflect upon what I had learned over twenty years not just as a production spouse, but as a photographer in the entertainment industry on and off the set.

When our oldest daughter decided she wanted to be an actor, it caused me to reflect upon what I had learned over twenty years not just as a production spouse, but as a photographer in the entertainment industry on and off the set. It's my hope the following may help other parents facing the uncertain world their child so desperately wants to engage. Without having a sense of direction as a parent, this environment can easily become one of fear. Fear breeds panic, and with panic, well-meaning but potentially damaging decisions are made that quickly take the humanity out of the process of something that can truly be fulfilling if the proper perspective is maintained.

Once a child wants to act,talking her out of it is like wrestling a walrus out of a bikini.

In cooking there is a woman named Sandra Lee. I love her because she creates fabulous gourmet dishes with short-cut ingredients that cost half as much. Consider this my Sandra Lee recipe for the young actor lurking in your living room.

10.PASSION VS. TALENT: What is your child's passion vs. talent? They don't always coincide! Their love for acting may not necessarily be what they're good at, so it's your job to make sure you both are on the same page. The key is having an outsider's perspective to back it up. It's a lot easier to find out you can't swim before you jump in the ocean.

9. GET AN OBJECTIVE OPINION: Get an objective and cost - free assessment of your child's talent from a professional. Find an acting teacher in your local high school or college and ask if they can take some time to assess your child's talent. You'd be surprised how much expertise you can find right in your own community that can help assess your child's strengths in a supportive environment.

8. WALK BEFORE YOU RUN: Instead of spending thousands of dollars you may not have on many things at once, the first thing to do is enroll her in a reputable acting/auditioning performance class. She will learn the process of getting up in front of people and reading sides. After she has a class under her belt, submit her to an agency for representation. Sometimes classes have agents attend their class. Create a resume to include with her headshot. It doesn't have to have a lot on it! Just be real and know this is a marathon, not a sprint! Too many parents go in expecting things to happen ASAP. Do this slowly and properly.

7. NO PAY TO PLAY: Don't ever pay an up-front agency or management fee to be signed to their roster. EVER. These fees can sometimes be hidden in "headshot" fees where they get a kick back. Acting classes attached to an agency are another no-no. An agent can suggest an acting class or photographer but should not be financially associated with them in any way.

6. BEWARE OF 'INVITE-ONLY' CONFERENCE ADS: Watch out for ads for actors' conferences that say "Invitation Only". It is rare these events, that can charge up to thousands of dollars, are just for "selected" young actors or individuals. The entire process of becoming a working actor is done more with sweat and tears - with bursts of joy - rather than paying thousands of dollars to realize that in the end you still don't have an agent. In this business, the invitations you should get excited about are call-backs and meetings. Not opportunities to spend money you don't have on something that isn't a sure thing but looks sparkly in the ad.

5. IT’S NOT ALL SUGAR AND HONEY BOO BOO: There is a documentary called THE HOLLYWOOD COMPLEX. This film should be required viewing for every parent considering a career in acting for their child. This documentary is as close to reality as it gets and is educational for anyone of any age entering the entertainment industry. If someone wants to act, there is little that will dissuade them. It's the nature of the creative beast. But the greatest tool they will ever have is knowledge. This film is the inside scoop of what to expect upon entering the acting world. Sit them down and have them watch it with you so that when it happens to them, the highs and the lows, they'll know the most important thing of all. They are not alone.

4. EMBRACE THE GIFT: If a child would like to act or sing or dance, it's a gift from above for them to share their gifts with the world. So this is not at all meant to deter anyone from following a dream. This is simply a guide, having been a young actor myself, worked as a photographer in the business for years, and having been privy to the insider's perspective as a producer's wife for almost fifteen years.

3. THE NITTY GRITTY: When you introduce your child to the industry, go in with the frame of mind that nothing is a one-stop-shop that will create a career overnight. A career is built on many elements which come together over time.

But most importantly, she should have FUN. If acting is not fun for a child, then it's not worth doing. Period. End of story.

2. THERE IS NO SPEED PASS: It helps if you know someone. But it's never the answer. So often, well-meaning people ask how to get onto my husband's show. It pains him to answer that even at his level, there is no magic wand. There is a hierarchy in place on any legitimate production for a reason. There's a protocol set to maintain what little sanity there is, in an already insane industry.

1. MAINTAIN THE HUMANITY: The entertainment industy is built on people just like you. Parents raising families, that don't always have the answers. It's a land of passionate individuals trying desperately to fit in a systematic machine of parts all struggling to function as a unit, with higher-ups yelling at them to make it perfect. So forgive people in the industry if they seem cold, or on edge, or over-it. They're tired. They worked 17 hours the day before, and you remind them of everything they were before they themselves 'made it'. The short-tempered casting director, the agent who forgot your birthday, the development girl who never reads your script. They are not bad people. Jaded is not the word either. They are men and women who are in it all too deeply to walk away. It took too long, too many years of paying dues, to make a dream come true that in the end isn't at all what they expected. The Grip who works too late to tuck in his son at night. The AD who missed his daughter's play. The writer with ten pages of studio notes on a script that bares her soul. These are things no one will tell you, because in the industry you're not allowed to complain. Because ultimately every one of them knows they are damn lucky to be there. This goes for actors too.

So on this road, remember it's not about making it big. Even the biggest stars wish things were different up there.

Remind your child - and yourself - this is a journey of discovery. It's a time to show kindness and respect to those you meet along the way. Even to casting directors who forget to smile. Because no matter how this ends up, the only way to truly be successful is to remember that at one time or another, every person in that room, sat on their couch in their living room. And had a dream.

Do you have a news tip? Call us at (661) 298-1220

Original Article: http://goo.gl/C1wLdt
Source: Santa Clarita News
Author: Newsroom Micaela Bensko www.MoanaVida.com

Los Angeles Rain

"Rain is grace; rain is the sky descending to the earth; without rain, there would be no life. "
John Updike

I wake to rain collapsing on the eve, tapping the drainage pipe like a woman's nails frantically dancing on a desk. A blanket of wetness violates the earth. Nothing will be normal today. The freeway will be slick with oil. Commuting accountants dividing the distance by speed. Pursing lips strangle words too - tight to speak. DJ's warn of a second storm wiping Bieber from the news. A city ripe with starlets drowns in the reality of God. The falling sky reminds them of thunderstorms at home. When parents rocked to the clink of iced tea in metal cups. Home.
Los Angeles.
I remember the days when I feared the rain would keep me in at night. And keep me from the pounding clubs and passing trays with spirits to keep me dry.
Los Angeles. The city of angels who rarely learn to fly.
Daylight chisels through the grey collecting beads upon the glass. I watch them race to the window pane and settle into content. My children stir. My husband throws the sheets aside into a drape across the bed. I thank God for dreams I have not lived. Because without them the rain is sweeter than it ever would have been.

Between The Lines

Two days ago someone knocked me out, cut me open, shoved wires in my spine and duct taped me. Ok. The duct tape might be pushing it. The rest of it is pretty much how it went.

Surgery always brings with it a reflection on one's mortality. Which it just one letter off from morality. In Wikipedia, it even suggests not to mix the two up.

An example of a moral code is the Golden Rule which states that, "One should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself."

Which makes me wonder if I should knock someone else out, shove wires up their spine, and wrap them in duct tape.

The last few weeks have wrapped me in the wonder of death and life. It happens when a loved one dies. My dearest friend passed. We called each other Siffy. Because she was my sister-friend - or sifter.

Three a.m. Has not been kind. It's when the dark opens up to a mass of thought. When the air changes to a texture that and coats my skin. When mortality comes to life as though a portal has been opened and God has set it free.

A natural wonderment is the curiosity of lives that others lead. It happens at the oddest times. When we are walking down the street and a man walks by with shoulders slumped. His beard unkempt and clothes with stains from the littered street. There is not enough time to look at his shoes, so we study his face. His eyes. As though his aura is tattered by time and there is nothing left to keep him in. His eyes are pooled with a lifetime of passers-by. People just like me, who wonder where he's been. Who he was before his tattered clothes and weathered skin.

A friend once told me about a homeless man she met while waiting for a cab outside a restaurant. She stood with her to-go bag dangling from the crook in her palm. Their eyes met. She swam in his sight. He accepted her gift with God bless and good night. But something made her ask him what brought him to this place. There was something she familiar she could read between the lines upon his face.

He was a lawyer once. Then his wife left him. His world turned upside-down and all the change fell out. He was not a drunk. Just a soul sobered by loss. He entered a world where others understood that mortality was one breath away - and somehow that made life worth living again.

With time, he learned to sit by the curb where his past hailed for cabs and to-go bags cradled his food. When change was only in his pocket and the stain on his clothes was from a fine cut of meat.

So much nowadays makes me ponder this life I have tried so hard to lead - when I'm in bed and a man with change is sleeping on the street. I pray each night that God will help by showing me the way, so there will be light with which to read between the lines on every face.

The Heart of Arts

My brother is an established music promoter in Burlington, Vermont. The following is an article he wrote that was published in the Burlington Free Press. His mission is civically localized, but his message is universal.

Heart of Art: Loving half the arts, and other big choices
Vermont-made music promoter weighs in on accessibility of Burlington's proposed art spaces

By James Lockridge

Feb. 22, 2014 2:31 PM

I picture leadership having its origin in principles — the fundamental values that steer decision-making. When you put a few principles together and uphold them publicly and confidently, you have leadership. When those principles uplift humanity, you have good leadership.

Inclusion is a principle I want leaders in our city — in government, and in our community — to demonstrate in their character, message and actions. I want to experience decision-making that shows an honest effort to include everyone in the benefits the city provides, including the things it builds.

The city of Burlington has big plans for development of new arts spaces, including stages at City Hall Park and inside the New Moran. We’ll all be glad to have new stages and new opportunities for performances; the contribution culture makes to our lives is among the most meaningful experiences we have — the sharing we do with each other through the language of art, music, theater, and dance is some of the richest communication we’re capable of.

We also have a simultaneous responsibility to uphold the interests of artists working outside the boundaries of institutions and production budgets, the real people comprising most of our performing arts community. Human-scale attention to arts infrastructure; uplifting our whole arts community at the same time; fostering artists as they develop their craft, not just when they’re ready for the limelight; removing barriers — especially financial ones — from engaging one another and sharing performances are all just a start for correcting the imbalance that permeates city support for the arts.

The performing arts have very little city infrastructure to roost on. The cost and complexity of renting a stage in Burlington makes our cultural garden a gated one. As we build performance spaces, will we be making them available to independent teen artists; disadvantaged artists with work in development or experimental work; artists who’d share music or spoken word spontaneously with the public; itinerant artists, or art on the human and interpersonal scale? The city is building stages within a worldview that’s of another era — The “foreign country” of the past where things were done differently, as Wired magazine helps us recall. Our stages are available to pay for; not programmed to include. Even our city’s central teen center, 242 Main, a cultural and historic treasure, exists as a facility in an inventory of the city’s spaces to rent. In this century we can do the algebra that on one side of the equation gathers tax and philanthropic funding, partnerships, volunteers and cooperation and on the other side provides staff, programming and the material resources that serve inclusively.

Examine the equitability of arts supports in Burlington. Have the millions of dollars invested by the city in the visual arts also supported our performers, and dancers, and musicians as comprehensively and passionately as our visual artists? Are we building small outdoor stages that anyone can use? Are we replacing public bulletin boards so the cultural community can accomplish the work of representing itself and its contributions to the economy, so that Burlington and our visitors can see how rich and creative life is here, because all of our art is represented? We have vision, talent, and options.

I’m proud of our creative community, and glad that the city gives art its attention. Our city council and municipal leaders are good-intentioned public servants and I’m optimistic that the will to lead us toward inclusive support for art — our heart as a community — will emerge and shine. We’re good people in Burlington. But this principled decision hasn’t been made for decades.

View original article at http://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/article/20140223/ARTS04/302230006/Heart-of-Art-Loving-half-the-arts-and-other-big-choices?nclick_check=1

James Lockridge is the executive director of Big Heavy World, a Burlington-based, volunteer-staffed music office working to preserve and promote Vermont-made music inclusively since 1996, http://bigheavyworld.com/. James thanks and respects New Moran and the Church Street Marketplace for their responsiveness to these sentiments prior to publication of this essay.

For Friends Of Lou

Everything is clearer now.

Knowing Lou was a Master's course in friendship and selflessness - Love and non judgement of another's circumstance. Everything Lou did came from a place of love.

For those of us left behind, much of life is now about deciphering her legacy - reflecting upon the philosophies Lou wanted us to learn.
Often times, Lou would read to me the teachings of Daskalos as I responded with disingenuous understanding. It was too complicated for me to grasp, but it all came so easily to Lou. That is because she was an advanced spirit. I listened because I loved Lou so much she could have read a recipe to me (as she often did) and I would sit in pure awe. She brought a magic to every move she made.

If we never knew Lou, we would not have in turn be able to share with others her strength in the face of adversity. Her humor in the face of death. Our mutual lessons in life, morbidity, and the true essence of humanity in the eyes if God.

Knowing Lou has set us all up to be the teachers she was to us. We met Lou for a reason. This would upset her, but it wasn't to learn how to make a Kale salad, or cook your own nut milk. We knew Lou so we would know our own purpose and mission in life. And that could only be revealed to us through her passing.

We all feel her death is a tragedy. Why does goodness die when evil thrives?

Lou wants us all to know that her passing was in divine order.

Lou cultivated particular friendships from around the world. Each with their own magnificence. If you were a friend of Lou it was admission to a n exclusive club with Walt as its bouncer and Frances as its hostess.

We all knew that if Lou loved a certain new friend, then we would too. Lou was my best friend. Anyone who was close with Lou considered her their best friend. But since Lou's passing, we all have so humbly realized that none of us were truly Lou's best friend. There was only one entity that earned that place in her heart, and that was God.

If there is anything Lou would want from us all, besides loving Walt and Frances as we do, it is to get to know her best friend. Invite him into your home at least once a day and have a talk. Sit Him down for tea. Lou would like that. And possibly even offer a kale salad. With raisins and nuts inside. No dessert though. We all know how she feels about sugar.

So as we continue this journey of healing, and find ourselves trailing tears into wine, please know that from now on, you are never alone. There will always be this circle of Lou connected forever by her grace. And what better way to live the rest of our lives than with the tools she gave us during her life we can now learn to use to perhaps leave the world a slightly better place than we found it. Just like Lou.

The Hummingbirds Part 1-3

Children Pet A Hummingbird from Micaela Bensko on Vimeo.

Lola's Babies II from Micaela Bensko on Vimeo.

The Hummingbirds Part 3 from Micaela Bensko on Vimeo.