The Fatty Fish in the Sea - Stem Cell Prep

Part of undergoing my stem cell transfusion is needing to gain some weight. And not healthy weight. I know it sounds contra indicative but the type of environment needed for the extraction for myself personally will be better achieved by my consumption of rather unhealthy fats for a brief period of time. It's the first time a doctor has ever told me to eat as much crap as I possibly can before a medical procedure. Technically, a patient needs to be able to pinch at least one inch of actual fat, not muscle, in order for a successful extraction. For most people this is not a problem. For someone with a chronic health condition, this can sometimes be nearly impossible. Due to my most recent flare through which I endured more than 7 months of excruciating pain levels often exceeding the McGill Pain Level of childbirth, I dropped from a USA size 10 to a size 2. I'd list my weight but since I'm in a wheelchair I haven't been able to weigh myself properly in years. (Now that's one of life's hidden blessings if I've ever seen one, eh!?). As wonderful as this might sound to some, and lord knows I too once envied the weight-loss captions of celebrities in The Enquirer, it is a bit disturbing when your water balloons have been sucked dry like the California drought. Dear God give me some rain here would ya?

Plus, my bikini struttin days are pretty much behind me, so my wish of being skinny has morphed more into a nightmare of wet dreams. Wait, I meant for the water balloons. Oh, never mind. 

Back to the stem cells. There's a method to the madness of eating  bad fats to gain the type of weight I need for the procedure. By eating a healthier protein based diet, the weight will be more muscle than fat. Stem cells we need, are extracted from fat. Not muscle. But too much fat (fatty weight gain) isn't good either! I'll explain in a minute. In order to gain the weight I need, I'm to replace olive oils with fatty oil's and margarine instead of butter. Eating too much protein puts on muscle so the logical option of chicken and meat is not on my menu. Instead I am to opt for fried sausages and bacon, pancakes and breads, hamburgers with extra cheese and french fries and milkshakes. (if this sounds like fun, trust me it is not! I have never felt so sick in my life! That'll teach me for living a healthy diet! ) A health challenge already turns your entire system upside down. So right now mine is pretty much  schizophrenic.  

The concept is when extracting stem cells, it is essentially a liposuction to extract fatty tissue within which the stem cells thrive. However, too much fatty tissue does not mean you get a greater number of stem cells, so in gaining weight, one needs to be careful. Think of the amount of fat your body has, as an ocean, and the stem cells as a certain number of fish swimming in that ocean. If you cast a net in that ocean, you're going to get a certain percentage of those fish. Now instead of an ocean, consider a moderate amount of fat to work with as a lake with the same number of fish (or in this case stem cells). When casting the same sized net through a lake, you are going to gather a greater amount of fish than if in an ocean. The goal in extracting fat for stem cells is to obtain the greatest number of stem cells possible. So my goal is to have to gain just enough fatty fat (love alliteration) in order to garner the greatest number of stem cells without gaining too much fat that it makes it more difficult to fish out the fish! Oh! And he said if I really want to pack it on, skip breakfast and only eat a big lunch and a late dinner right before I go to bed! So let that be a lesson to all of us who think skipping meals is a good diet strategy!

All that said, I have two months to work with, so not exactly pulling out the emergency Double Doubles yet, but certainly looking forward to eating from the x-rated menu I've salivated over for so very many years.